His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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