allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Where is the hickey?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
