This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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