My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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