I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
