Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
