You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
