I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
