i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
