So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
