Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
