My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
