my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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