i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
