So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
