oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
