Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
