somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
