imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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