We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
