One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
