Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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