That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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