my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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