It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
