Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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