My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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