how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
They should really pass out barf bags in church
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
