i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize