I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
