so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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