If i come over, it means nothing
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
