I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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