it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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