just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
