no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
