My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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