i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize