Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
