I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm both gender and math confused
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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