Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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