i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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