hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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