I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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