If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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