Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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