I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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