this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
