Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
