I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
