Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
