Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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