saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
