I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
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found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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