I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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