My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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