Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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