using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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