I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
