i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
