Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
