He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
