I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
