I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
