I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize