i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
