someone get that fucking seahorse.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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