the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
we should paint friendship bongs
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