I feel great
I just peed on a car
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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