he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
