I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
