Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
