Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
