he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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