Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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